Censored

I was perplexed by the tsk-tsk, shame-shame and hush-hush. The incident was not "dirty," "sinful" or "shameful." It was a humorous reminder of our humanness. There is truth to the adage "You can't fool Mother Nature" - no matter how unfortunate the timing or painful embarrassment.

As an art major and art lover I'd seen enough "art" nudity to be well beyond the immature, sophomoric titters of laughter and giggles at the sight of a naked body.  

Naked human beings have been chiselled, painted, drawn and sculpted since the beginning of time. Maybe that's why I puzzled over the shock my friends exhibited when they learned my "Life Drawing" class included viewing and sketching live, nude models. (I was an art major after-all.)

Censored. Life Drawing class-1982

Most of the students in the Life Drawing class were fellow art majors, but not all. Some non-art students were taking the class to fulfill a fine arts credit. I understood their discomfort. Even I felt a twinge of anxiety upon entering the classroom the first day we were to draw a nude model.

The young male model sat amidst sheets and pillows on an elevated platform at the front of the class. He was robed - for now. Our professor, a nun, (oh the irony) was a professional. She'd been teaching this class for years. She briskly disrobed and "arranged" the model, all the while explaining (did I even hear a word she was saying?) our assignment. She was all business. She might as well have been making a bed. Her calm, no-nonsense manner was reassuring.

The sound of easels being adjusted for proper viewing soon filled the room. Graphite pencils poised, the class began sketching. Engrossed in the difficulty of the task (drawing has never been my strong point)  the models nudity was soon forgotten, or at least became less significant. I better understood the teachers earlier indifference. I realized that sketching nude models isn't suggestive or provocative as the stereotype suggests. It's hard work...and was about to get "harder."

Our teacher slowly moved from desk to desk, absorbed in assisting the students. She was temporarily unaware of a growing crisis at the front of the room. One-by-one the students sketching slowed. Unbeknownst to her, the male model had sprouted an in-your-face, all-out, stand-at-full-attention erection. 

It was a #1 lifetime awkward moment. My head didn't move an inch, but my eyes ping-ponged to the surrounding students. Had they noticed? I didn't dare look around. Nobody did. We all kept drawing like "Hey, doesn't everybody sketch fully erect nude models in art class everyday?" The model was red-faced, obviously his blood flowing. Poor guy. What a champ. He just stood there, stared straight ahead, not moving a muscle - except um...ahem.

 

"I'm going to need more paper" I joked to myself.

He stuck it out another excruciating five minutes. Finally the teacher observed the growing problem. The look on her face was priceless: "Uh-oh, what's this?" She immediately regained her composure and "rearranged" the model. She continued teaching without missing a beat. Much relieved, I flipped to a fresh piece of paper. The newly posed model was now a "rear" view memory.

I admire the professionalism the teacher displayed. Kudos. After all, she could have told him to just beat it. Instead, her actions helped to deflate the models embarrassment. Unfortunately our class never saw that model again. I can understand why he would not desire a return engagement. I hope he didn't feel overly shameful or embarrassed. He did nothing wrong. Mother Nature has rules and some things are simply beyond control. 

Be human - don't ever stop laughing.

My Dirty Little Secret

Over 3,700 pages of words - "Shorter"?

One of the first gifts Kevin (my husband) gave me was a 2-volume Shorter Oxford English Dictionary. After discovering I had an acute interest in semantics (the study of the meaning of words) he gifted me with the massive 2-volume set. To the casual observer the books were a seemingly "unromantic" gift, I however was ecstatic. My dirty little secret was out: NERD ALERT - I love words. And finally, someone understood. Reading, spelling, defining - so many words, so little time. 

 

Part of the credit (or blame) can be attributed to a random elective class I completed in high school: Semantics. It was my favorite class my Junior year. Mr. Lieser, our "hotshot" semantics teacher, frequently challenged the class to stump him on word definitions. Dictionary in hand, we were invited to pick ANY word and test his word knowledge. The class tried repeatedly but no matter how obsolete or archaic a word, he knew its meaning. Impressive. His self-assuredness (cocky) was well-earned.

This semantics class reinforced my lifelong passion to know and learn words. Reading, spelling and defining words are excellent skills to possess. But there is one more equally important (and often neglected) skill required for complete word mastery: pronunciation.  It is easy to neglect the art of pronunciation. Reading after-all doesn't require words to be spoken. Pronunciation is my Achilles heel. I can read words. I can spell words. I can define words. I know context, but pronounce them? Um, not so great. If there is a disability for incorrect word pronunciation, I have it. The unfortunate truth is that it doesn't matter how well you know words, when said incorrectly, you look (and feel) like a doofus. My mispronunciation of some words has proven embarrassing more then once. But it's also provided for some serious belly laughs - and almost a car accident.

How is this not interesting?

Years before we were married, Kevin and I were on our way home from a dinner date. We were discussing a distinction someone was being awarded. The recipient had been deceased for years. The distinction was being awarded posthumously, "Occurring, awarded, or appearing after the death of the originator." Unaware of the correct pronunciation of the word "posthumously" I said the word as follows:  "post" + "humus-lee". Kevin spontaneously burst into laughter. Mouth wide open (I remember it well) he laughed and laughed and almost drove off the road. It is not nice to laugh at people - especially your girlfriend, but his genuine and hysterical reaction caused me to appreciate the moment...eventually. His laugh was one of affection for my quirkiness.

 

As I continue to mispronounce (and subsequently correct) words, Kevin assures me that he finds my "disability" endearing. Whenever the "posthumous" car moment is recalled (and I express embarrassment) he reminds me that "I had him at posthumously". Okay, that's better.
 

Excellent study sheet.

The English language contains a multitude of delightful and amusing words. Pronounced correct or not, it is sad that many words are never uttered. They never have a chance to dance in the ears of others. Here are some of my favorites:

Imbroglio: An altercation or complicated situation.

Opulent: Lush, luxuriant.

Serendipity: Finding something nice while looking for something else. 

Obsequious: Excessively compliant or submissive.

Truculent: Ready to fight, cruel.

 

Verve: Energy and enthusiasm in the expression of idea.

"He's A Good Man"

 

White-Breasted Nuthatch

There was no mistaking the "tap, tap, tap" sound coming from our living-room window. He was back. The tiny white-breasted nuthatch, mistaking his reflection in our living-room window for a rival, was back defending his territory. Little did he know he was fighting a losing battle. 

The Nuthatch first arrived at the Living Room window bird feeder on Wednesday. Being a non-migratory bird, it's surprising I'd never previously noticed one at this particular feeder. They seldom are still, commonly flitting from tree-to-tree. Once landed, they search for insects by hopping, headfirst DOWN the tree. This unique "upside-down" view allows them to see insects that other birds - going up a tree - may miss. 

At the window feeder, he was quick to come-and-go. On Thursday, his behavior changed. His visits to the feeder increased in frequency and duration. Noticing a "rival" bird in the window he began interrupting his eating to puff up his chest, flap his wings and peck at "himself." "Tap, tap tap." Eventually the puffing-and-pecking replaced his eating completely. He became possessed with eliminating his competitor. (Watch entire video - be sure to have your sound on.)

I'd heard of this protective territorial behavior before but had never witnessed it up close and personal. The primal, instinctive urge to defend territory and protect his mate intensifies during the spring season. "He's a good man" commented Kevin. At first the harmless behavior was entertaining and amusing. But frustrated that his efforts wielded no results, he began flinging his body at the window. Tap-tap-tap changed to thump-thump-thump. 

Concern mounting over his unprotected nest and that he may injure himself, I taped a sheet of paper to the window. (Who cares what the neighbors think.) It 99% did the trick. He came back numerous times attempting to attack again, but frightened by the paper blowing in the wind, he retreated.  

Back for more.

Any thoughts of removing the paper today were soon distinguished. Not giving up the fight he was back again this morning. I appreciate the tenacity. I also love these gentle, little birds. They are frequent visitors to our feeders year-round. Any bird that sticks out our sometimes harsh Minnesota winters, deserves all the care and concern it can get from us humans. Primal instinct cannot be changed, but maybe after a couple days (weeks) I hope his behavior can be undone.

 

Just won't give up.

Is "he" under here?

If Only It Could Be That Easy

Actual picture taken 2014 but similar to 2013 view when began - "Help me."

I am not an expert gardener. Far from being one. That's okay. I don't WANT to be an expert gardener. I just want to keep it simple: plant, water, grow, and enjoy. If only it could be that easy. For two and-a-half years I've been attempting to beautify a small, scrubby patch of yard at the front of our lot that seems to beckon "help me." 

Except for a few spring flowers and the gnome/fairy house sitting at the base of a tree, I am not sure how "beautiful" the scrubby patch has evolved. But I try.

Current view - Spring 2016

 

Click on pictures to enlarge.

Current view with Fairy/Gnome house - Spring 2016

 

Challenge #1: The ground is clay. Despite dumping and tilling 28 bags of organic soil into the small space, the soil remains inhospitable: Hard and crusty when dry. Stinky, gooey and clumpy when wet.

Challenge #2: The area is not level, right-to-left or front-to-back. The rear border abuts woods with a severe drop off. Erosion? Most assuredly.

Challenge #3: Robins, squirrels, and bunnies happily munch the plant leaves, tromping about, unaware of the damage they cause. 

Challenge #4: Undergrowth along the rear border is buckthorn, a non-native (illegal to sell or transport) invasive species. Every spring buckthorn creeps into the garden. Seeds, mostly spread by visiting (pooping) birds, result in new growth and endless weeding. 

Challenge #5: The ground is filled with roots and rocks. Some roots are from the nearby trees, but many are long stringy "buckthorn" roots - their underground network is startling. Digging a recent hole, I hit a rock. Not knowing its size, but determined to remove it, I later extracted a massive, cantaloupe-sized rock.  

Naive of the challenges this small patch of yard presented, I initiated a beautification project in the fall of 2013. I decided to spruce up the area by planting a variety of spring bulbs. It was worth the labor. The tulips, daffodils and muscari that sprouted the next spring were a welcome sight.

First sprouting a welcome sight. Spring 2014

The following spring, April, 2015, while eagerly anticipating the first tips of green to sprout, I noticed they were barely visible due to the vast amount of dead leaves accumulated over winter. More work was needed. Enlisting Kevin's help, the wannabe garden was tilled and 28 bags of organic dirt (See Challenge #1) were added to the native soil. 

Before: Barely visible sprouts - Spring 2015

Cleared and ready for new life - Spring 2015

Feeling optimistic, I purchased, carefully arranged and planted twenty-one perennial plants. The fairy/gnome house was installed later, occupying the high ground at the east end of the garden. The revitalized space looked terrific: Rich black dirt, fresh green plants and weed-free. The (eventual) happy, merry gnome home completed the picture. The former "scrubby patch of lawn" was now a cheery and pleasant sight. Fingers crossed, I hoped my garden would survive and thrive. 

After: Planting complete - Spring 2015

Spring 2015 -Fairy/Gnome home site prepped-upper right.

Summer sped by. I monitored the garden daily. As expected, the weeds flourished - but not my flowers. A small fraction of them bloomed. Although they didn't die, most plants remained stagnant throughout the summer. Three were eventually gnawed (by varmints) to the roots. Within weeks, another two slowly wilted and died.

Initially disappointed, I didn't regret my endeavors. I knew spring would arrive again - perhaps acclimated to the dirt and surroundings, the plants would fare better next summer. 

As expected, this spring season brought green tips and sprouting plants. Some already ankle high. Dare I hope for a thriving garden this summer? Absolutely. I hope and remind myself to be patient -  gardens evolve.

If the garden disappoints, I always have my fairy/gnome home. An extensive expansion and renovation is under-way. I am excited about the changes. See below pictures for a sneak peek. 

Fairy/Gnome garden never disappoints.

Expansion underway.

What's on Your List?

Life would be difficult without the use of simple lists. Until recently, I never appreciated how much we depend on ordered lists of tasks: grocery list, to-do list, playlist, travel list, medication list, school supply list, mailing list, etc. The "list" goes on and on. Haha  :)  Earlier in my life I would maintain lists in my head. Not anymore. I now need written lists. And whatever you do Diane, DON'T forget the dang list at home. So maddening.

 

Lists don't need to be utilitarian. It can be beneficial to venture outside the practical purpose of the list mindset. It can be surprising what creative lists can reveal and how they can guide and even influence your life. Have you ever thought about listing the components of a perfect day?  One of my first coffee dates with Kevin included a conversation about what we considered the "perfect day." It was a sign of good things to come when we discovered we shared many of the same ideas (not in any particular order): 

 

1. Have all the kids home for a meal.
2. Not feel tired.
3. Read.
4. Outside temperature in the 70's.
5. Exercise.
6. Nap.
7. Eat a good meal.
8. Outdoor activity.
9. Have a clean house.

10. Be Saturday.
11. Get your tires rotated.

It was two years earlier, while strolling the displays at Barnes and Noble, I discovered the book "List Your Self." As often happens, the title caught my attention: List Your Self. Intrigued, I curiously thumbed through the pages. It really was a book about lists...over 250 of them.  Each page tasks the the reader with a list to complete. Thinking I'd found the solution to journaling without the effort of writing, I purchased the book. If I couldn't journal, I'd trick myself into it - one list at a time. 

Some lists were harmless recollections: 

• List the names of all your pets, from childhood until today. 
• List the fads you embraced while growing up.

Others may cause anxiety and unresolved issues to surface: 

• List the times you said "yes" when you wish you had said "no."
• List all the people you aren't talking to anymore. 

Others...

• Humorous: List what kinds of people should never drive.
• Introspective: List all the qualities in yourself you like the least.
• Hurt: List the major betrayals in your life.
• Memories: List the sights, smells, and sounds you remember from your grandparents' house. 
• Regret: Suddenly you can turn back time. List the year you would return to and all the events you would change.
  

The Introduction page describes the book well: "List Your Self...is simply a wild and probing ride through your personal history. Put on the miner's hat with the light and sharpen your pick. Dig in. Dig deep. There's gold in them thar hills...you'll suddenly discover an inventory of personal secrets, fears and desires that flow out effortlessly and surprise you."

That was 14 years ago. I didn't complete every list in the book, but I don't regret the purchase. I know that the time I spent remembering and reflecting allowed me to grow and better know myself. It is still a part of my book collection - ready today, tomorrow or whenever the "journaling" bug bites again. The beauty of "List Your Self" is that it is a never-ending book, mirroring our never-ending growth process. 

To this list I would readily add people who text while driving.

Waiting For the Sun

BOTH!

The desire to be outside and start gardening is particularly strong this time of year. However, without the cooperation of Mother Nature (43 degrees, rainy and windy) there's not much one can do. I settled for two quick and easy - can be done in the garage - fairy/plant projects.

The first project is similar to one I had initially discovered on the the internet. It was pitched as a lemon-to-lemonade thing:  "If you break a terra cotta pot this is what you can do with it." I didn't have a broken terra cotta pot, but I did have a perfectly good one.

Shattered to pieces.

 

Note to self: Do not hammer so hard next time. The first hit didn't break the pot sufficiently but the second hit shattered the pot. If there is a technique to breaking a terra cotta pot correctly, I clearly don't know it. I had to glue some of the pieces back on to make this project work. I smiled to myself appreciating the irony. 

 

 

 

The good news is terra cotta pots are cheap when on sale. I saw a similar sized pot to this one in a flyer for $1.99. So if it's a complete fail, you haven't lost much.

 

 

Click on pictures to enlarge

 

 

 

The second indoor project, has been on my list of "to dos" for a long time. Every time I walked past the indoor, artificial tree in our living room I glanced down thinking (knowing) how perfect a small fairy scene would look at the base of the trunk. An added bonus was that it would cover the fake and unsightly black dirt.  

Plan for a water element.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Both projects were quick and simple. They didn't completely satisfy my desire to get my hands in dirt, but at least the wait was tolerable.