"Show up, Shut Up, and Wear Beige!"

"Show up, shut up, and wear beige!" That was the humorous reaction of a friend of mine when I shared the happy news of my oldest sons engagement. It was the first time I heard this saying. Her explanation went something like this:

"In the good old days, a bride planned her wedding with her mother, her parents paid for the whole shebang, and the groom just showed up with his family, smiled, and said 'I do.' 

Beige or not, this is lovely.

In fact, the old adage for mothers of the groom was: 'Show up, shut up, and wear beige!' " 

(The "beige" reference a subtle warning to not upstage the bride or mother of the bride.)

I laughed at the absurdity of the statement. But as the mother of three boys, I admit, a question of unease flashed through my consciousness: Surely adherence to that old fashioned adage was long gone? My friend and I talked, laughed and eventually agreed that no one need worry. It was an out-dated attitude. 

The Happy Couple.

Sure enough, the happy day came and went and just as we assumed, everything was perfect.

 

Many years ago, it was implicitly understood that the groom and his family politely defer to the brides family regarding all planning and preparations. It was the standard, accepted practice and not considered negative. As wedding preparations ensued, the mother of the groom happily completed her assigned tasks. Content to wait for the big day, and basking when it finally arrived.

It's likely there were also situations that didn't go so smooth. Opinions and personalities would clash. Good ideas and bad ideas would be in the air. Disagreements over tiny details. Perhaps a bit rocky at times, but eventually issues were resolved, ruffled feathers smoothed over and all forgotten by the wedding day.

For real?

Regardless of current day expectations, both scenarios are plausible and still occur. Just watch any of  the wedding themed reality shows on Cable TV. The depicted scenes are so over-the-top, one wonders how scripted the "reality" is. I prefer to believe my reality - weddings are happy and joyous occasions.

In any event, marriage is one of life's biggest and happiest milestones. With the endless planning and preparations it is

natural that some of the days and situations get a little crazy. Take a deep breath and embrace the crazy. All of it. It is those unforeseen moments that live on as fond memories and stories for a lifetime.

Last month, years after first hearing "Show up, shut up and wear beige," I once again smiled. I am happily anticipating another wedding in November - my youngest son. I am not concerned about lingering notions regarding "Show up, shut up, and wear beige!" I know the day will be perfect. 

November 2016!